Behind Every Smile...

Baii

2006-06-14T11:26:00.000+08:00

am guna make a new bloggie...:D
http://dolphinmaieh.livejournal.com
I have a new life now so i will stop living in the past..:3

Dreams....^^

2006-05-29T23:18:00.000+08:00

Actually alot of things happend to me..but i'll start about yesterday...
Well you see we went swimming in Tropical..our whole church youth. At first i was really not enjoying coz its starting to get boring, but when i tried diving on the diving board....WAHA! i cant stop no more!!!xD... that diving board is really something...its kinda weird...but i loved the feeling...Its as if i was so free under water...it was like 8 feet kasi, it was double my size! it was that deep...and the feeling of slowy going up the surface is the best part...It was as if i was flying, the feeling was so serene, imagine this...Your in the beach alone,sitting on the sand only hearing the ocean waves and dolphin sounds and birds flying, and the breeze of the soft wind through your face... that's what i felt...i felt so...happy and free... i have no idea why i felt that...but the feeling was just awesome.. i felt like i was breathing under water... the feeling was so deep though it was only in the pool... it was a great feeling...:)

Well after some more divings, a guy asked for my number...i was like..."di nga?...ows.." i was very doubtful, but it was true and that guy was so cute! hehe he looks like anime, and i met him once in church but didnt talk to him... then i got "kilig" coz he was cute nga... At first i didn't care coz alot of girls had interest on him dun sa pool, so i thought..."i bet he's not interested in me" but i was wrong...he was! and he won't stop complimenting me and wont stop being sweet and all that... he's a good guy, charming and he's so anime! for some reason i cant stop thinking of him yesterday and today! i dont know why...but then my friends came again and we wer in the roof top, and they gave me chocolates..so i got so hyper! so i was uber kilih when that anime cute dude called me...anyway! then me, gela, and jamie used th net and went to youtube.com hehe we had fun watching the videos and annoying a guy in ym....then i saw a kaleido star clip. So when they left i watched the clip and got inspired again! i'm so inspired that i'm so excited to start my day tomorrow!:D hehe... then i just remembered...after i talked to that anime cute dude yesterday...the serene feeling i had about the pool disappread...and i tried diving and diving but i cant get my rythmn back! i didnt know wat went wrong...then i just realized now, that its because i lost focus...Then i made a choice now...that i will not allow this cute anime dude to interfere with my dreams...and preoccupy my mind about him...so i decided to focus on my dreams again...i'm right on track again! i'm so happy...:) i guess, God really wants to help me pursue my dreams now..and He wouldn't let any guy crash my dreams...:) coz my dreams are for Him..and no one else...and a random person txted me this quote which really made me realize that God wants my focus back...i mean of all the quotes i can receive why this right? hehe just read the friggin' quote..and you'll know what i mean...:)

"No man wil evr claim u unless he claims u from Me. For i resrvd a man for u, hu has My heart & loves Me evn more than he wil love u. For i wont giv u unless he asks u from Me. He's asleep. Dnt wake him, he's busy for Me, for My kingdom. Soon u wil knw him...but in My perfect timing. u're My princess, My daughter. Let NO prince claim u unles he asks u from My hand, for I am ur Father, the King of kings. You, my princess r worth waiting for. I love you!" -Jesus

when i read this i got kilig and said to God," Lord...kilig ako..hehe...my prince will come someday, after i reached my dreams..."

Lipstick

2006-05-12T20:47:00.000+08:00

Wahh... i'm so frustrated now... i just came from a wedding, which i should be happy. Well honestly at first i was really happy, we we're all having fun, especially when me and my friends started teasing each other... Then there was this guy! he was so cute and everything! It could've made my day... BUt no...

Asking why i'm so sad? coz i lost my favorite lipstick! you may say that i'm so "babaw" but that lipstick is important to me and actually its the only lipstick i want... And that lipstick was from my mom, and its worth 800 something...i mean that's the first time my mom ever gave me something that is so expensive, and i lost it?! I ANNOYINGLY LOST IT!!! i hate myself i felt so down i wanted to crush my own things... i mean that lipstick is so important to me...and i lost it...i don't know if i misplaced it or someone got it in my bag, coz there were a bunch of teen girls looking at my bag..i mean why the lipstick? why not take the cell!!! i feel so horrible that i wanted to cry and cry...i'm so tired of me being irresponsible, tired of me forgetting stuff in a snap, tired of me being the baby...i mean i want to grow up already! i'm 16 for my sake i should be responsible now! i feel so irresponsible...i wanted to cry...

So i told Jesus about how much i want to change, to be a responsible person. Then i was about to start and cry, but no Jesus didn't allow it... coz when i was about to cry, i felt Him...and whispered the words, "trust me"...a big smile came out of my face, i mean yah! trust Him...i forgot all about trusting Him..coz i felt so alone. But then He was there...He helped me, He placed a smile on my face when no one else can...I mean i'm feeling Jesus more and more...and each day i feel that He's there beside me waiting for me to trust Him...and now i will trust Him...no matter how much i'll feel bad it'll do nothing but pain, but Jesus was there, He took my pain...i mean now i want to cry, but not because of pain but because of joy...i can't explain how much i want to thank Jesus...He's right here beside me but i couldn't reach Him...there's something blocking my relationship with Him...and i will find out what it is so i can finally reach Him...but now all i have is trust, and i trust Jesus that He'll do something about that lipstick...:)

Yihee...

2006-05-07T23:43:00.000+08:00

I just made a dream, a goal... and that is, to fight in a singing competition soon...it'll boost up my courage...:D

Ouchie...

2006-05-07T20:11:00.000+08:00

This day is really something...for some reason i got hurt again today because of a guy... its not Kylie...its someone else...i might seem proud or mayabang in this post...but i just have to let it out..

There's this guy whom i liked before... we became good friends and eventually i got a crush on him, but he has a girl friend. For me that's ok coz its just a crush, but it was a big deal to his girlfriend. So i just stopped talking to him..after a year i txted him, just asking if he's ok. I found out that he broke up with his gf after i stopped talking to me him...he said its me who he loves... weird story ei? anyway, at this rate i was lyking Kyle and my childhood friend... i'm in 1st yr high by this time. I told him that i like someone else, and well he said he was going to wait for me...there we had ALOT of fights concerning our beliefs and feelings..he's a catholic... anyway there was one time i said bye and we didn't talk for awhile, but then he asked for a chance for us to be friends again, so i accepted it. Until today we are friends and for some reason this year he is so anxious to tell me his love for me... but i can't love him back. I mean i don't like him at all, maybe as a friend and nothing else..not even as an older brother anymore... He makes poems, stories for me that really makes my heart melt and yet i just can't like him...i've been trying to end our friendship but it kept on coming back...i've been hurt alot of times because of this guy, he thinks he makes me happy when he just makes me sad...well at times he makes me happy...but he wants me to be happy when he isn't..i mean who could be happy in that way?...Today i got hurt again because of him...he even said "you think that'll help me oh song of god?" i mean that's so insulting...my name means song of God and he's insulting my name just because he's hurt? I tried helping him out coz he has been condemning himself...but no! he even hates me for helping him...actually the reason why i couldn't break our friednship down is because...he has this suicidal side that's really killing me... i've been in this sort of thing before too his name is "Emil" hey not emil lapiz...i had a hard time letting go of our friendship coz he also loves me daw and he'd die if he lose me...it took a year before "Emil" finally found a gf and let me go...and he's still my friend now...anwyay after the emil incident (i was grde 5 then) after a year this guy came (i'm grde 6) and i thought my sufferings ended, but no! here comes another guy with a suicidal attitude... now i'm having a hard time again...he's telling me now that if it makes me happy he'd kill himself so my pains would end...if he was infront of me i could've punch him...now i have no idea what to do...i want to ask help from friends but they might get in trouble too so i won't risk anyone... All i want is to have a crush on a guy...i don't want these kind of guys who'd die for me just because i can't love them back?!... i knw that they might just be kidding..but hello? almost all his friends are telling me to talk to him coz he's been tormenting himself!...i don't know why...i don't want these things to happen to me just because i had a simple crush with a guy...like "Emil" and this guy now...i mean they're older than me! i mean they're both like 3 yrs older than me...All is ok with "Emil" but with this guy now...its drowning my heart..

I feel like i don't want to love anyone ever...i mean a guy...'coz i might just end up like this everytime...and i don't like it...i had crushes and M.U.'s...but love? now that's differnt and its something i don't want to think about yet...i want friendship and intimates not boyfriends...now i know why i became a man hater before, i should've just continued that...oh well...my whole world is lost right now and it just became loster because of this guy...i feel so down...and lost...

EDIT:
MWahaha Jesus just made me realize soemthing...He said...that why should i worry wbout these things? when i know he's in control..:) haha tama nga nmn! rarr the only reason i get hurt coz i don't depend on Him and i dont have much faith in Him..but now i know!!RARR wahaha am back! but still lost but not in this topics anymore..xD

Confused...

2006-05-07T17:07:00.000+08:00

For the past few days my mind is so busy, that it kept me quiet for awhile... i have no idea what's up with my mind, its like there's this wall that won't let new things come in...i really need my dad right now, i hope he comes home na...anwyay, i've been trying to get rid of my past thoughts but then i couldn't..its as if my life is so, messed up...

Well come to think of it, i don't have a goal in life...And i realize that i haven't given my best on anything i've done...it's kind of weird, but really its true. Its as if my life has no path, its lost.

I'm feeling that i'm turning to someone, that i'm not... For some reason i don't know what i want to be anymore...i can't find the same old shiriel that i knew once... its as if i turned into someone different, which i do not like. The old shiriel i knew always had a bright smile, but now i could only find fake smiles... The once balanced sweet me, is turning into a sweetie freak who can't contorl herself... The once childish me i know is now turning into a proud person... Who am i? i cannot find the real me, i can't show the real me anymore, actually i'm lost.

There's terribly something wrong with me, or i'm just starting to realize the otehr side of me. I'm so lost right now, in my attitude, in my relation with God and friends, and with my own dreams... i have no goal...its just not me... before i'm someone who doesn't give up, but why now?! why am i giving up too fast now? is this me? I can't even solve a single problem, coz i turn away from it immediately...is this what you call fear? but what do i fear?... i just wish i could find answers...but why couldn't I?...My head is so mixed up now...even in my church ministries i don't know what to do..i backed off from the Worship team and the sunday school team and even youth because of this summer sickness im having...This all started a week before my birthday...

I really wonder what God is planning for me...but one thing i'm sure of...i'm lost right now, unable to find the right path... its as if i'm hungry for something, its as if i'm searching for joy, its as if i feel that something is missing in me... but i have no idea how to feed this hunger, to find this search, or to fill this emptiness....i have no idea where i am now, i feel that i'm a small child looking for my parents, a lost child looking fro comfort, a lost child looking for love... i don't get it...i just don't..

Oops! btw!

2006-05-03T13:18:00.000+08:00

About my mom! hehe i just realized...that it was my mistake...i mean even if i feel awkward towards her...i should've talked to her...i mean she's just protecting me...i should be ashamed of what i've done..well i am but i know Jesus has forgiven me...:) my mom loves me and i know that this is for my own good...i mean i never told her that i'd never do those things in those love stories...i mean i should tell her "Mom, i promise you, i won't ever kiss a guy till i know he is the one Jesus has given me..." i mean a simple phrase like that could've made my mom smile...but no i didn't coz i thought it was "kiddish" when in reality i'm just ignorant and proud...:P ehehe now i have to understand my mom and stop making her understand me...coz if i always make her udnerstand me i'm going to be a baby forever but if i move and udnerstand her that'll prove that i am a teen now who is repsonsible enough to know how to fix a problem and to mature...im not saying i'm mature now! but...I'm on my way....:)

Now i Know...ü

2006-05-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

Now i know why i felt so down yesterday..at first i thought it was because Kylie didn't go to my bday...but when i asked myself and prayed...i finally realized that i was missing Jesus...and that i He wants me to be back to Him...^^...ofcourse i was like..why am i sad for no reason? well now i know the reason.. my birthday is about Jesus...i mean i'm alive now because of Him right? 'coz He died for me on that cross... My birthday isn't really about me...its about Him... realizing His great love for me...My birthday shoudl be about Him not mine...:) Jesus is my everything... i mean i enjoyed my friends being there, particullarly just my barkada coz i didn't have the money to invite all my friends...ehehe but for some reason i felt incomplete yesterday even when the day ended...i mean i was having a fake smile all day long..really i did...i was wondering..if someone noticed my tears behind my smile...i mean even if Kylie was there i know i'd have those tears...i loved my friend's gifts to me...especially Gela's...ehehe when i opened her letter for me i eventually cried! haha weird...but i did...i mean i never thought those simple homemade gifts i give them really make them smile...i mean i want everyone to smile without tears behind them...then i also loved the book she gave me...and that book helped me realize that my birthday is about Him... i read the first chapter and i got so excited to read my Bible and talk to Jesus...actually i'm planning to talk to Him again tonight...:) there up in the roof..where i could feel his warm breeze... Jesus really does talk to us through The Bible...i mean i was reading JOhn 1...i mean i've been reading that...but when i read it verbally with my whole heart...it was differnent...i read it as if i never read it before...and that's when i kenw Jesus was talking to me...at the end of the chapter it was like "The heavens opened upon my eyes" i mean when i read that, i felt Jesus so much that i knew i'd see heaven open in this age of mine...

sixteen...i am legally 16 years old... i mean yeah its normal for any teen to turn "sweet 16" but as of i said...for me its differnt...this 16 thing is for some reason very improtant to me...i mean i can't explain it...but this 16 thing is a big thing for me something that'll change me...something that'll chaneg my life...i'm kind of excited..i've never been excited in my whole life...i mean i'm feeling that this year is going to be different...i jsut know i'm going to change...Gela's book for me helped me to choose to change...it didn't change me...coz my change depends on me and Jesus...i mean i choose to change and i know Jesus will help me...:) i have this hunger in my heart, love...i've been searching for satisfaction for it..but i know only Jesus can fill the satisfaction of my heart... i talk to Jesus as my bestfriend...i talk to Him verbally with an open heart...if He could be my only friend whom i can talk to, it'll be so much joy... i talk verbally to Jesus i don't talk to myself...:P if you know whta i mean...anwyay! Gela thanks you've helped me...:) ehehe...now i can really ,move on...i can move on towards Jesus' purpose and path for me...:)

Happy Birthday to me...

2006-05-02T10:33:00.001+08:00

Today's my birthday...and for some reason...i feel sad...i feel like crying...i have no idea why....i feel friggin' sad... today's my day..shouldn't i be happy?...i have no idea why i can't even smile today...when i woke up...i feel like not getting up...i feel like hiding myself in my own blanket...i have no idea why i feel sad...& hurt...this is so weird...i mean for the past years when its my birthday i feel so happy and excited..and for some reason now...i juts want this day to pass immediately...its as if i don't like this day...why do i feel like this?...its so weird...i feel like hiding and crying...so much for a great day...heh...i shall drown myself with drawings today and tomorrow to let go of this depression...im 16 now..shoudln't i be happy?...but why do i seem so down and hurt?...

My heart is being crushed...

2006-04-28T17:21:00.000+08:00

if you ask me...i like watching love stories...no joke...i mean it can make you feel better and all when you feel down..and sometimes it even inspires you to write or to draw or simply sing... but i really hate watching "love" movies with my parents...

Yeah i feel good coz of the happy ending... but after the movie i try to rush out of the room when i watch with my parents...coz they always give me a lecture...just like now... i didn't have the chance to flee from them...i got scolded again! man i hate watching movies with them.... we watched "never been kissed" i mean i like it coz yeah my mom's right i must preserve my "kiss" for the "one" but why does she have to scold me?! i mean at first we were talking nicely but ofcourse i really feel awkward about those kinds of topics... i mean i have NO plan to kiss a guy not even when i turn 18! come to think of it..im not even planning to have a boyfriend! and for crying out loud she told me not to have a crush too! i mean HELLO?! i know that! rarrr...if she just know how i feel...i really won't ever get close to my mom...and now she's SUPER MAD! banging all the doors and shouting at me coz of that stupid movie... grr i hate it when she bangs the doors! i don't even do that! im so angry now... i mean yah i wna be open to her! but once did i opne to her about kylie and she didn't even listen! she didn't cared she slept on me! leaving me to telling my stories to me dad! if she knew how hurt i was at that time! i was so hurt! and now she tells me this Kiss crush stuff?! its just so annoying!!!!!!!i mean i enjoyed that movie...and now its all crushed coz of her friggin' mood swing!! and now my dad wants me to apologize to her for the reason that i was talkign to her not the proper way..HELLO?! I WAS FEELING AWKWARD! WHAT DID SHE WANT ME TO DO!?!? garr i feel so mad now...i mean what she said had sense i know....but the way she said it?! its so anoying...if seh just know...now i feel like i shouldn't have a crush..i mea we should obey our parents wether we like it or not..

she's right maybe i don't deserve a crush.... well i said bye to Kylie already so i guess i don't have a crush anymore..:) and i won't have one! hehe its hard i know but...I'M STILL HUMAN!!! what can i do?! i tend to have crushes!!!! she's so mean...:( oh well...maybe she'll udnerstand me someday..when i start udnerstanding her....hey i tried understanding her but she brings back all the kindness i show her...i mean i'm scared of doing stuff for her now...coz i fear rejection..and she has been rejecting my kindness..i mean if your ever in my place? your gona cry your heart out trying evrything to please and be close to your mom but she's too close and cold because of the mistake my sister did...hah..blaming all the facts on me...anyway i feel emo right now must stop writing...im guna Cg first to let my anger free..

I can't believe it...

2006-04-24T11:43:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that I'm turning 16 next week..i know its no big deal...but somehow for me it is...i have no idea why i'm feeling like this..its as if my world will change once i turn 16...for the past weeks my mind set have changed...its somewhat lighter and less confused... and i tend to look at the bright side...SOmething is changing in me... but i'm not sure what it is... For some reason... i feel that something is going to change in me... more responsibilities.... more insights...more adventures..

Its kind of weird for me to feel this way but... this 16 thing? is really eating me up...there's something different with this birthday... i wonder what this means... and for some reason i'm starting to believe on what i can do... is this the year that God will use me? i sure hope it is... but how can i follow God? when i have no direction in my life....WAit! maybe that's it! God is placing a direction in my life... i haven't had a direction inmy life for years...maybe this is it.. God is placing directions in my life...and for some reason the old friends i had before? they're beginning to come back...i wonder what this means... and for some reason there's a song that really makes me feel good and happy inside....its entitled "footprints"...and everywhere i go everywhere i look all i can see are words related to God...like "I rock for Jesus,do you rock for Him too?" and "Jesus is the only way"..somethings like that..its as if God is telling me to come back to Him already...and everytime i tell my dad what's happening to me....all he says is this..."God has been waiting for you" what does this mean?! i cannot puzzle it out...and these past days everything i do i dedicate it to God and for some reason..evrything i do improves...like in my drawing...

I'm so dedicated to work on my manga this summer so i told God that i could do this...i can draw my final draft..and for some reason...my style in drawing completely changed....its kinda weird i know...and in my singing i have a differnt style of singing now...and I'm a sunday school teacher and for some reason i tend to look at kids nowadays and observe what they like and how to make them closer to God...its just so weird! i mean alot is changing in me....especially in my mind set... Now all i could think of is how i can praise God with my talents... If my parents scold me i tend to just listen...HEY its unusuall! coz i usually fight back....and for soem reason...i hear the HolySpirit talk to me now....see?! there's something different...and oh yeah you know how i like boys especially Kyle...but for some reason...i think less of boys already and Kyle...what's with me?! there's soemthing different...i hope i could find the answers on my birthday...and oh yea...one more thing.... I'm getting to know alot of new friends...who all have problems and they're all seeking for my help...like this guy who just lost his GF and all he wants is live alone...and this guy who just lost a friend and felt so lonely...and this girl who was hurt because of her past...and this guy who has divorce parents....its weird i know! what do i do?! i'm a mere teen!...

Wait...maybe that's what God is telling me..that i'm different...that i should stop comparing my life with anothers'.... maybe its time for me to bloom... a late bloomer i say...but alteast i'm gonna bloom...:) i'll do my best to mature this summer...coz i'm 16 already...as i say more responsibilites...more adventures...^^

Bagiou Trip!

2006-04-17T12:26:00.000+08:00

wohoo! i just came from a family camp in bagiou! My father was invited to be s speaker of a small church in pasig camping in bagiou...at first i was like "i don't want to go" coz i think its kinda boring...BUT! i was so glad i came mwahahah! right summer is the time to meet new friends?! AND GUESS WHAT?! i did!!! *dances* hehe on the first day i was so bored coz i didn't want to mingle with the youth group coz i was shy...and well they were chinese people...and there was only 2 girls and 10 boys...what a youth ei? at first i thought they were mataray. That night on the first day, i asked my dad if he could stay with me in the chapel in bagiou coz the church was having games...but my dad told me that i can do it by myself! so there i went there in that chapel ALONE! i was like so o.p... but then there was this pastor who took care of me and intorduced me to a girl, she was so nice but she was my ate already... and so we had fun and i had fun coz i felt so accepted there and that youth group was so united.... on the 2nd day i got close to one of the girls there, she was 17 yrs old...but she was friendly, and well i took the guts to show my real self...and i was so happy that i fitted in! there was not a single time that i was laughing with them :) it was so fun! on the following days i was always with this girl, her name is Jem. We had fun and she introduced me to the boys...and in the last night of our stay in bagiou i got close to 3 boys...they were so nice and friendly ^^ they're the "jokers" of their church...until today we're having communications! and well...actually yesterday...form 10 am to 11 pm...i never had the chance to put my cell down coz i was txting 5 people...so the whole day i was lying down on my bed heehee... anyway! i had so much fun...i'm so excited to go to more camps! ofcourse i had a crush on the bagiou camp! me pah?! ehehe but he's so quiet and timid that i never had the chance to bond with him..-_-u...too bad....:( ehehe but anyhoo atleast i have new friends now!:D they're all so nice and friendly and when we talk its as if we've known each other for years! haha... and they invited me to their youth camp next year agad!!:D hehe i'm so happy i have new friends :) i know you guys also have! :P hey you might say now i like someone else...well i don't! i still like Kylie :D hehe but someday it'll just go..atleast now i don't feel depressed anymore coz i have my friends here :D anyhoo! i think my feelings for Kylie is gone...^^ anyway! bye! and thanks for reading my bloggie...hihi i feel so happied!!!XD

My Response...

2006-04-10T19:51:00.000+08:00

This is my response to "God's Best"...

Dear Jesus,
I was one of those people who wanted to give their all to someone so they'd feel special...well i didn't give my all, but i gave my whole attention to that someone...that someone is really sepcial for me...and i felt special around him...but as a friend and nothing more...and i realized that my feelings grew stronger for him...i wanted more from him...yes, Lord, i know...its infatuation...and its so hard to move on...i tried a lot of ways to move on, i tried to like someone else, i tried to tell him that i like him, i tried to busy myself with something else, i tried to hate him, and i came to the point that i tried to think of hurting myself physically...but then..when this letter of yorus came to me...i came to realize my mistakes....and now... i can move on... i may still like him 'till this day...but atleast the feelings lessen...and here i am, going back to you...:) thank you so much Lord..i owe you eheh...:)

Love, Shiriel

God's Best...

2006-04-10T19:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Shiriel,

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another. To be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says "No... Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and converted with being loved by me (Jesus) alone. Discovering that only Me is your satisfaction to be found. Then you will be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have plan for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exlusive of any desires and longings. I want you to STOP wishing and ALLOW Me to give the most thrilling plan existing one that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best! Please allow Me to bring it to you, Shiriel. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things, keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. YOU JUST WAIT, THAT'S ALL!

Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don't look at the things you think you have. You just keep looking off and away up to Me or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful that any of you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even this moment to have BOTH OF YOU ready at the same time), until both of you are satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you. You won't be able to love that exemplifies your relationship with Me and is thus the perfect love.

And my dear Shiriel, I want you to have the most wonderful love! I want you to see in the flesh, a picture of your relationship with Me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love... that I offer you MYSELF.

Know that I love you utterly."

Love,
Jesus

I know you know....

2006-04-08T11:41:00.001+08:00

Yesterday i txted Kylie...saying "i know you know, why do you have to mask it out and bear and grin?!...being nice to me when your hurting me..." maybe i just felt so desperate at that time...:)

Anyway i was in my friend's party...we like stayed there until 12! hehe...we had so much fun..everyone was in the pool even those who doesn't have extra clothes! hehe... so almost all of us went home wet...:) good thing i didn't catch any colds :P i wonder how my friends are...anyway! Everywhere i look, there are couples... but for some reason i wasn't jealous...no really i wasn't...its kinda weird...but i really wasn't... but at that time all i could think of is "Wonder how Kylie is..." weird ei?... but when i look at the sky at night, i couldn't help but ask questions... when i finished swimming i was trying to dry up...but no! my friends insisted and threw me back to the pool!!! hehe...anyway!thrice was a i thrown back to the pool... haha but it was fun! i actually enjoyed it...but my dad and mom was furious coz i went home SUPER late...T-T...anyway! almost all of my friends enjoyed...bear and grin sure does work... i was so desperate yesterday that whoever talks to me i open the topic about Kylie...then there was this particular guy, who is my classmate, started talking about how good and nice Kylie is....man talk about being turned on again...anyway, this guy, Kylie hepled him alot...as in way lot...i didn't know Kylie was this kind... i mean he deserves to be happy and all...but people, like me, doubt him because of his kindess...now i feel uber bad and mean...:'c...Kylie is the real thing... he's someone who you can trust, whom you can learn from, and whom you can understand God more... if only i didn't have this stupid feelings for him, maybe just maybe, i could've been one of his close friends...but this feelings...everyone adviced me to "let go" but how can you let go?! if you have this kind of friend who is almost perfect?! i tried many time to let go... but i couldn't...but i have to try harder now, coz i know he was meant for someone else...:) being his friend is he one of the best things i had in life...:) i mean as i watch him play the guitar... well actually i was amazed coz he was so good! it was the first time i saw him play the guitar that close, and wow! just wow! he was so fast and his plucking was uber good! i envied him!:P hehe...And when he helps me with some of my problems...:) he really does help me and sometimes he opens up too...i once said that he sa so selfish coz he was the one who always helped me... but i was wrong.. i was the one who was selfish...

Kylie made me realize alot of things in life :) i'm just glad he became a part of my life, his journey in my life just ended, he did his part in my life and now i must move on into my road of life alone again...well not alone coz my Barkada is there...:) i'm just so blessed to have him in my life...he said i was a blessing...but i really can't find any reason why i was a blessing...:) haha... maybe he was just saying that out of kindness...:) every single day i want to talk to him... but this is life this is reality... what i want cannot be always given..:) i only said a part of what i really wanted to tell him...if i had the guts and the chance to say my whole feelings this is what i might've said...

" I know that you know that i like you....why do you have to mask it out and not tell me that you know? your being nice to me when your hurting me, coz i think your taking me for granted... but in the other hand, it is your nature to be nice to everyone... I know that you know, but why are you still continuing to be nice to me? shouldn't you like...avoid me?... why? Why do you mask it all? why won't you show the real you? or is this the real you already which i cannot accept?... Every single girl that you meet will surely fall for you... do you know how desperate i am now!? i'm so desperate that i want to ask you if you like me too...but i know you don't...but why do i feel dat you do? coz you are so nice and sweet no matter what!...you believe in our friendship right? is it just for you to make me feel better or is our friendsip for real?... but i don't control your life...you say what you want to say wether its true or not... but please how i wish you'd tell me the truth and tell me that you know that i like you..."

How i wish i could say these words to Kylie...but there are just words that should'nt be said but rather kept..:)

* Best friend *

2006-04-05T13:18:00.000+08:00

Today i shall tell you about my best friend... ^^. She's a very simple person who is full of friendliness and wisdom... she's more mature than me!=p... Well i just can't explain how much she changed in me... at first i thought it was only Kylie who was changing me...i never realized that she also changed me... she taught me how to listen... and i mean LISTEN... before i do listen to advices but it comes in my ear and goes out to my other ear... but there was one incident that me her and kylie was talking...and kylie adviced us something and i just noded thinking it'll register in my mind...but when she told me about what Kylie adviced us... i couldn't understand it...until i gave it some time and thought about it...and i realized that she and kylie is right...that's the first i really ever listened to an advice... and now when my dad talks to me i think about it before i comment... see?! she changed me in that part...and she not only chnaged me, but showed me a different kind of friendhsip.. :) she made me realize that friendship shoudln't be an obligation... This year was the only time i ever had my fake smiles...but she can see right through my fake smiles! she's the only one actually... oh yeah! she's the only one!! LOL...eheh anyway! she's the best friend i ever had... she accpeted the real me... behind my cheerfulness and childishness she knows who i am... she actually accpeted me.. she's the only one i trust..actually i trust her with all my heart..i'm serious... before i like trust the half of our class! but now i only trust her...i proven that she is a trustable person...and i'm proud to say that she's my friend and the best of all my friends actually... :) she's someone that won't exchange you for a guy, she's someone who'll always be there, she's someone who you can trust your whole life wiht, she's someone who corrects you in a friendly and caring way, she's someone who'd apologize just because she wasn't able herself... she's someone who will wait both in love and friednship, she's someone who you can depend on, but most of all she's someone who can be called a true friend... a real friend a trustee friend... :) I'm so happy that she's my best friend... :) i know our friendship will never die! i mean through thick and thin we've passed it! especially in love! :) hehe... i'm so glad God sent me a blessing...the best of all... :) Having a best friend sure is the greastest thing anyone could ever had...:) tahnks so much for the friendship if ever your reading this... i'm just so glad i met you in my life's journey wahaha! you go! actually alot of people trust her! told ya! she's trustee! wahaha i'm so emo! ano ba yhan!!! you kase e!!!!:P just for you to know, i'm always here too... and thanks for helping me with Kylie and letting me help you too... :) God bless and take care! ^_~

Real Friendship

2006-04-04T14:02:00.000+08:00

These past months i've been feeling kinda sad because everyone had their own best friends and i didn't have my own... since i was 10 years old i've been wanting a boy best friend...one came and well it didn't end up that good. I want some one who i can call bestfriend and who can call me the same way too... There's someone that i really want to have a bestfriend so badly, yeah its Kylie...well its just that he's so perfect as a friend Godly, friendly, "kinda" mature, and mysterious. I've been doing things for him just to be my bestfriend but i wasn't successful... i can't even gain his trust! yeah! a simple trust!...I've been wanting a best friend and i'm trying so hard to find one... till last night... something happend...something made me think so badly...something changed me...

I was annoying my dad yesterday and teasing him coz he and mom are going on a date and all that, but before he left i told him, "Ama(that's what i call him) I want a best friend so badly!" and he said "Me! hehe juz kiddin', well you have God, and me too" eheh i know my dad is kulet...and i was like "no what i mean a best friend! you knwo what i mean!" and he's like, "what about your group?" i was like "that's different...i want a boy best friend!" and he looked at me and said "why do you want a boy best friend, when you already have a girl best friend?" and i had a slight lecture hehe....but that pharse...really strucked me...why do i want a boy best friend when i already have a girl bestfriend? i'm like... a girl best friend?! i don't have one! before i had like a bunch of girl bestfriends...but i realize i should only have one that's why its called "best"....and then i thought for a moment and asked myself....why do i want a boy bestfriend? and suddenly answers came into my mind...i realiezed i've been mixing reality with fantasy...my sister once warned me..."a writer usually mixes reality with fantasy, be careful.." now i know what she meant...

YOu know how much i love anime right? and well there's alot of anime that a girl's best friend is a guy...and then they end up liking each other and happy ending!...maybe that's why i've been wanting a boy best friend...coz i want to find the "one"....and i though that having Kylie as my bestfriend..we'll end up...you know what i mean... i can't belive i'm like this... i mean using friendship as a tool? i feel like a fool... i'm totally mixing reality with fanatsy and i better stop this nonsense...and why should i look for a girl best friend when i already have?!

i have a girl best friend and she doesn't know it....i thought having a best friend should be vice versa...i mean if she's my bestfriend i should be her bestfriend too...but then i was wrong... calling a friend a best friend means she's the best of all of my friends... the word bestfriend isn't an obligation...its a choice. NOw i have my bestfriend who helps me and accpets me for who i am... i'm so blessed to have her as my bestfriend although i know she has her own bestfriend... she's the truest friend i ever know... she knows when to talk and when to be quiet...she knows when to persuade a friend and when to stop...she trusts in God more than i do...she's a real and true friend... i've only known her this year and yet she changed alot in me... she helped my with Kylie and helped me in my studies...she also helped me with my spiritual life...she introduced me in alot of good anime...hehe she's someone i could really trust actually she's the only one i trust! if your reading this i know you know that its you...thanks so much for being the best of my friends even of i can't be your best of friends hehe Now i have a best friend and i have a crush... Kylie is my crush... she's right...i mean why shoudl i move on? when nothing really happened... i shoudln't move on...i should only degrade my feelings for him... he can never be my best friend coz i still have feelings for him... i could never say "never" coz everything is God's plan...all i can do is trust in Him... :) and i'm so happy and tahnkful for making me realize who my best friend is..i told you that i live a living lie of life...but when i told you that...my perspective changed... now i must live in reality and live a living light in my life...hehe your one of the lights of my life best friend ^^...thanks...^____^

SUmmAh!

2006-03-30T15:08:00.000+08:00

Wooha! hehe its summer! anyway...tomorrow is our banquet ^^ summer is my time to meet new people...about kyle...he already knows that i like him! and he is snobbin' me! ow well ^^ but i kinda felt good about it...coz finally is said it...Kyle is sure like a the most perfect man for me...but he's never for me! first of all he's younger than me! hehe not the typee i like...and he's immature for me...though i act immature around him, he'll never know my amture side... ^^ hehe anyway! nics is right! she moved on! time for me to move on too! mwahaha! my simple memories with him, like watching him play the guitar was so heavenly and when we had a pillow fight i saw him smile so cute! and i saw him sleepin!haha someday kyle will read my bloggy! and he'll know how obsessed i was! but not anymore! new people to meet...new people to admire...this summer...i'll find my bestfriend! juz watch and see...gela! coco doesn't deserve your love! we can do this! i'll update my blog for updates! LOL hehe anyway! Kyle's real name is Tim ^_~ c ya all !

Zo0oOoM...

2006-03-22T15:51:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy today! Kyle finally talked! mwhahaha...i'm just gald he opened the mouth of his..ehehe for some reason the more we talk? the more my feelings for him is degrading...and its a good sign...^^ I'm so happieh!:D hehe life is really good when God is there! ehehe life doesn't get better than this...ANgela i owe you my life..mwahahaha... Anyway! I'm going to CG now...Toodles :D

Whatever i do..

2006-03-21T18:12:00.000+08:00

Whatever i do...i can't stop but get hurt...i don't know i think Kyle just really doesn't like me even as a friend...i think he's annoyed at me... i don't know i think i'm ruining his life.. maybe i should just really call it off and just forget and stop persuading him...He's really a blessing to me...but i think i'm a curse to him... so i'd rather back off...i feel so stupid doing so many stuff for Kyle, that i know he doesn't appreciate...making him promise to do stuff...our friendship is obviously an obligation, because he is that nice...he's more mature than me in some things and i'm more mature than him in some things...he likes "bad" type girls...and well i don't want to be a bad girl type just for him...i'm a childish type of girl...and he can never change that... I really do like kyle...but i want to end this never ending falling tears and falling hearts... i just want to stop...but how can i? when he's always around...:( if someone could just help me find a way to let him go...i'm moving on, but i'm tripping ALOT...someone help me...i know God is there...but its me who won't listen...how do i listen? its so friggin' hard...

Realization....

2006-03-20T15:09:00.000+08:00

My dad just talked to me...and he's right! when i'm in the house my focus should be at home! and when im in school my focus should be friends and studies!:D ehehe...My dad is right...i should learn to balance my attention...coz i love my friends and they love me...and my family loves me, and i will love them too...its time to balance somethings in my life...and i'm goign to start by fixing my brother and my sisters' room. ^^

Oh Happy Day!

2006-03-20T11:23:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it! Kyle really cared about out friendship..and he did notice that i was snobbing him ^^ and i thought he was snobbing me too... Kyle is just a friend material for me, never a lover :D ehehe coz first of all... I'm obviously not his type! Doi?! and i know who he likes...he's just so confused now that he kept neglecting his feelings for this girl...just because everyone in our level is against it, he foloowed the flow and i know he's in a lot of pain now...i want to gain his trust somehow and help him... i just couldn't belive myself?! falling for him...i was so focused on him that i forgot all about my potentials...i though my only potential was singing and drawing...but there was alot more...but i couldn't let it out coz of my preoccupied mind...now i'm going to focus on those potentials...if you say that "sayang naman" with Kyle?! nah...if its God's will for me to have a relationship with him, then it will happen but not now...all i can say is i have this feeling that i won't be him...but God moves in mysterious ways...i'm just glad he moved my life...I'm moving on, though i trip at times...but this time its for real...I'm moving on ^^. I'm starting on a lot of projects for this year...Wana know them!?

First! i'm writing a booklet about Teenage love...ways to enjoy our teenage lives..i mean hello?! we're goign to live for 120 yrs! and we're going to live our teenage lives for only ten yrs! and we're going to waste it on Worldy love?! God wants us in this age! after this ten yrs of teenage lives we're going to have 100 yrs of love with our loved one! let's be free for now! ^_~

Second! I'm trying theatre this summer...my parents said that i have the potential...all i need is to let it all out! i know i'm a late bloomer...but atleast now i know that i could do better that what i limit myself...My father has a lot of friends who works in theatre...and he's going to talk to them(i hope) eheh especially that some of my uncles are actors is theatres ^^ our school play really inspired me to let my confidence up!

Thrid! I'm having to have this "movie project" for Christmas...I'm going to make a short "professional" flash presentation of an anime form evalangelistical movie! While i'm still young i want to do this!:D

Fourth! I'm Going for.... A DIET! man i'm so chubby...and i want to be in figure wahahah. ANd well i want to look like a real lady...coz i'm a messy girl...^^u..i wana be a nice looking lady for God!:D our God is a god of excellence! so i should excell for the better! even with my figure!!

Fifth! I have to focus on my Church ministry! Some people in our church are depeding on me for our church mime presentation and wants me to collaborate with the story making of our church play ^_~ and well i'm a sunday school teacher too...i need to imprve better with my teaching skills :D

Sixth! I have to learn GUITAR! well i want a harp..if we could buy a harp then i will use that!:D i know God answers prayers! so guitar or harp! Harp is more compatible with my voice! so pray for me! i want a harp T-T...:D

Seventh! I Have to grow up Spiritually...NOw that i'm turning sixteen...i have to be spiritually and emotionally matured!i mean! Hello?! i'm sixteen! i'm getting old T-T...and the more God needs me now :D! this is all for God and no one else!

COme to think of it if this is all for Kyle...who am i kidding?! there's no way i'm going to excell! THIS IS FOR GOD!:D ANGELA MUNOZ! WE'RE GOING TO BE PARNTERS!!!!!wahehehe.. :P

Hmmm..

2006-03-15T19:05:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it? its been 2 weeks since i stopped talking to Kyle..and he did stop talking to..and for some reason i'm starting to get rid of my feelings towards him...it degrading into a simple crush now...but i miss our talks at times...for some reason i'm so drawn to his smile ^_~..anyway! i know he's not the friend for me...well i won't make it final..coz God is the in control...there are times i just want to punch him and say "DOn't you friggin' care?" but i guess i can't do that coz we weren't even that close before...we were aquaintances..life is life...i pray for him and that... but i pray everyday and ask God to take this feelings i have for him...its never "sayang", coz you might say.."sayang naman he might like you too"...coz with God...there is never a "sayang" so why am i here suffering with heart aches and confusions when God was and is always there ^^

+Sniffles+

2006-03-13T18:52:00.000+08:00

I kinda miss him now...I'm snobbing him and he doesn't even notice it...maybe he really doesn't care..maybe we're just really aquaintances...oh well... life is life..

ANyway! hehe i really had a great day and i forgot all about my missines of Kyle(for some minutes hehe) thanks to pbee, Jamie, Dan, Tish and Kuya Rai!!:D wee! it all started when we didn't have anything to practice anymore...eh Pbee got thirsty, and so did jamie..and Dan was like I'll buy sprite, we thought he was kiddin..but he did buy! it was the 1.5 SPRITE! AND COKE! we were all drinking...and we got weird after drinking it..wehehe we had a small picnic near the grasses...and we were talking and stuff...then Pbee and Dan started to have grass fights...then Pbee and Jamie....then....WAH!?! i got included?! Pbee just smacked grass right to my shirt! i was like! WHAT!?!? so i chased her...and we ended up like fighting cats...we rolled over the soil and the ground and people where looking at us..wah! my chubbiness where seen by people! the horrorr...but i don't really care...hehe :D anyway! back to the story..me and pbee had so many weeds on our hairs..and soil in our faces...there was a time pbee smacked it directly to my mouth! EWWW! the taste was! EWW!!!TT-TT...first time i tasted soil..and its...GROSS...but i'm glad my friends was there...they helped me get over my emoitions today...so i don't miss him that much anymore...anyway he doesn't really care...boohoo..i promised myself i won't like anyone but Kyle till i graduate highschool...^~^..Kyle! one more year! rarr...anyway! eheh i had fun today! i juz took a bath...hehe and there where soil in my face...ALL OVER MY FACE! and i commuted..wonder what the trycicle drivers thought of me...and put in mind i had weeds in my hair...wehehe...

But i can't help it..i miss him...i miss that annoying smile of his..:P but my friends are helping me go through this...and I juz don't know how to live without them...Gela hoi your not exempted...you helped me more than anyone in the "notebook" people did.. ^^ oh well..gtza work now!:D

Where are you?...

2006-03-11T15:57:00.000+08:00

I can't help but write...this is kinda annoying...after i write i'm definitely going to bed to run away from this depression... your right..it's Kyle... I just listened to some songs, and apparently i saw this video of Sam Milby, he was singing and all...And i annoyingly remembered KYLE!?! GAH! Sam and Kyle are similiar...i just remembered, yesterday in school... Before i got home i heard Kyle strumming his guitar...and in the video Sam was strumming his guitar!!! GAK! the horror... come to think of it..we haven't talked the whole week...i want to ignore him...but i also miss his friendliness...:'c...But i know that Kyle is annoyed at me now..T-T...oh well i was the one who ruined our friendship...i want this feelings to fade...its hard but im trying... i just remembered, before i asked him "Who would you choose? teh person you love or the person who loves you?" He answered "i wouldn't choose anyone coz first of all God is the one in charge...at first i was like..."just answer it..." i thought that he was just scared to answer...but then i just realized now that he was right...Look if i choose the person who loves me, do i have the assurance that i will love him in teh near future? for me it won't work...coz there's this guy named nikko who was willing to give his all for me, his words was kilig and that, but...i wasn't happy at all...i was "pilit"....in the other hand, if i choose someone i love, and that person doesn't love me...its a complete nonesense...just like Kyle's...if i choose him, i'll just end up hurting myself everyday...It's like i'm forcing myself into someones' heart...its just like using a fork to eat up my soup...YOu see? Kyle's right...God is in charge...ever wonder, what if God wasn't there? do you think there'll be real love in this world?...I don't have to burden my self who to choose, i'll just offer it all up to God and wait for Him...wow....i just realized i learned soemthing from Kyle again...hehe weird...:P People change in different ways...and i changed in the most hardest way...coz i changed by falling for someone...and now I'm rising up again...but i don't exaclty know when or how...but for now, i want to really ask Kyle...where he is now, when i wasn't there anymore?...i have no idea if he's happy or sad now...i ahven't seen his smile for a week! hehe...OH WELL!! someone snet me a qoute...it goes like this.."Everyday continue smiling, smile even if your hurt, smile even if you sad, smile even if you not in teh mood...coz you maynot know, someone might be falling for your smile already..." i wanted to txt that quote to Kyle...hehe but i didn't hihihi...anyway! i won't sleep yet, i kinda feel better now that i let go of these thoughts...^~^ SOmeday...I will see Kyle's smile that is just for me...har har :D

Frozen Rose...

2006-03-11T12:33:00.000+08:00

Hehe i just thought about this coz when i was fixing my profile here, there was this random question about a rose..."When your science teacher smashed a frozen rosewith a hammer, did you warm the petals to bring them back to life?"...eheh ofcourse i answered no...first of all if i warm it the petals are sure to be crushed.... so what's the use of warming it right?...its just like my friendship with Kyle now...Our friendship started as a small bud, growing each time we have moments together each petal represent one happy moment of our friendship, one example,.. On our prom night Kyle asked me to dance and we danced for a long time, and after the dance he asked my friend to take a picture of us..that's one petal, then another petal is, when he slightly fixed my hair coz it was all messed up in my face, coz for me, teh sweetest thing a guy could ever do is fix my hair..that's another petal...and there are more, you get the point....then as months passed it started to be cold, coz our friendship is leading to an end...i tried to warm it up at times...but it came to and end...it was frozen stiff. Now i left the frozen rose, i left our friendship...but then again i missed it so i returned... And it was still frozen... i couldn't do a thing...I could see through the ice that the Petals are crushed and the ice is the only thing that keep it together. So i kept it frozen in a see through glass, so i can see it everyday and remember the good times i had with Kyle... IF i let the ice on the rose melt, the petals will disappear and i'll forget all about our happy moments...so i'd rather keep it frozen. When i'm sad at times all i hvta do is look at this frozen ice rose and i know a smile will definitely cross my face...as it just did now...^^

Letting go...

2006-03-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

Actually I've been wanting to write about this topic since two days ago...but i got sick...but i tell you! that's the last. :D..Anyway this is about a guy i like in school...i'll give you a small detail about him..we'll call him by the name Kyle... I've known Kyle for three years now, and we'll he's a hearthrob in our school...i never knew i'll have feelings for Kyle...I mean i never wanted to have feelings for someone who's being admired by alot of people...Well at first i just admired him a simple crush i guess, but It came to infatuation then to feelings... Well it all started as a joke, i told my bestfriend that i like Kyle...but then i took it in. I fell for my own trap. That's when i realzied that the phrase "words has power" is truly real. BUt then i ask myself...If Words has power...then why does the people who say "iluvu" to their loved ones...end up hurting them?...ANWAY! THAT'S WAY OUT OF MY TOPIC! Back to Kyle... Until this day i really like Kyle...but i feel rejected..both with my feelings and my friendship with Kyle. It all started with the stupid "LIKED" word... Me and Kyle eventually got close this year, and it eventually ended up hurting... as always since the past three yrs. He said that i was his close friend that he could trust with his whole heart...but why does it seem that we're not even friends?I had the chance before and said that he was truly a blessing to me, Well he really was. He helped me pass through alot in my life by just simply being himself and by just simply talking to him. I have nothing against him, he was a great friend, actually a friend beyond my expectations... He was there for me at times when i needed him. He was there when i needed a friend..He was there..and i was never there for him. It was nice of him to show me great kindness and sweetness...but he never asked help from me, nor shared something without me asking or persuading him. COme to think of it he never talked to me unless i talk to him first or if i ask him to. I felt that our friednship was one sided. This is the first time a person changed me who i never thanked. I want to thank him, but how can i thank him when i coudln't even tell him why... I wanted to tell him how much fun and realization he brought to my life. But i guess he doesn't really care...I wanted to have a friendship with him that is enjoyable and exciting...He feared God...and so do i...That's one thing Kyle helped me with...he helped get more closer with God...i know God used him for me to turn back to God... You know how he helped me? By hurting me... how? with our friendship... Ever since 1st yr (i'm in 3rd yr now) Kyle and I became friends but ends up me getting hurt...and now my 3rd yr in highschool is ending, then again i am hurt..but this time i don't feel empty nor lost, coz God was there... This time i'm letting go of Kyle...even though it'll hurt me...i know there's someone in this world who deserves him more than me. Kyle has done his part in my life... Jesus changed me through him...now its other people's turn...if i could just tell him someday i would...i'd tell him, "YOu're a walking blessing to anyone you pass through, God's light is in you, don't let that light fade.." someday... He's the first guy i liked that made an impact in my life...I'll tell you more tomorrow...kinda sleepy now...All i can say is, till this day i like him, but i'm letting him go by putting all my epxectations down. On this day and on, i will never expect a thing from him, his simple smile is great joy for me already ^~^. YOu can say that i'm addicted to him or obssesed...well your wrong...I'm just simply being a teen who's looking for the real meaning fo Love...:)

Peek-a-Boo!

2006-03-05T19:54:00.000+08:00

^_____^ Hey there! My name is Shiriel, your everyday ordinary girl, childish, perky, shy, and annoying, but most of all...I'm emotional... ^^ hihi i'm an avid anime lover! i really love anime and well its me..anywei i'm new to this blog thing..i just thought of making one coz i want to have a diary, but i get tried easily when i write by hand, i like typing better :D hehe anwyay I'm going to start blogging tomorrow coz i have homework now T-T..wah! to bad for me..hehe! i'm goign to post pictures here that i've made...i love photoshop and my pencil hihi ^^ anyway! Gela is my friend well one of my best friends ^_~ if you know her blog and all..hihi...c ya tom ^_____~